[ The Bad News Is ]

Now that yesterday has given way to today, you've probably already heard that Obama obliterated Clinton in one of the the states and lost by 20k votes in the other. You may have even heard that she's canceled all of today's public appearances, so she can say a few Hail Mary's and start mentally preparing herself for the taste of Obama's salty black balls...

But what you most definitely have not heard is that it is now official. I bring you, the end of the world...

[as we know it]